POLICIES
The various policies describing how I operate

Quality Policy

While the website takes something of a light-hearted approach to many elements, I hope it is evident that quality is at the heart of what I do. I am a one-man noise assessment company so I have no corporate office to hide behind and obfuscate things if I am found not to have done the job properly. As a single person company I need a good reputation and repeat business and you don’t get that by being a bit crap at the job. I do the noise assessments well and do them right, and as everything is written there is always a record of what I have done.

Noise meters are calibrated as needed and certificates confirming that are in each report.

Why no ISO-gubbins?

Frankly because of cost and its limited value to a one-man company. I would be writing procedures for me to review and approve for me to follow, but incurring costs which would then be passed on to clients. Nobody would benefit from that apart from an external ISO auditor and their bank account.

Environmental Policy

I am me, some noise meters, a laptop, and, depending on the weather, a car or a motorbike to get to sites. My only environmental impacts are the initial manufacture of the equipment and then fuel to get to places. I have a very keen interest in making sure my fuel efficiency is as good as possible as I am the one who has to bear the costs of it!

Before being a noise-nerd I was a safety nerd, but before being a safety nerd I was an environmental nerd, indeed my degree is in Environmental Pollution and Climate Science. A key thing I learned there is that is that ‘local’ is not synonymous for ‘low environmental impact’. If a local company has offices then they have the environmental impact of building and maintaining them, heating, lighting, admin staffing travel impact, furnishing, and on and on. I have none of that. To paraphrase the great Bob Mortimer, my environmental impact is as fleeting as a fingerprint on a handrail.

Add to this I own and maintain five acres of woodland. Having measured my personal CO2 footprint, including my work, I am somewhere in the region of minus 11 tones of CO2 per year - more is taken in by the woodland I own and manage than I create through both my personal and professional life combined.

Diversity and Discrimination Policy

I don’t employ anyone nor have any intention of doing so. Been there, done it, want the easy life now.

Human Trafficking and slavery

I have no employees, do not want any employees and there will never be any recruitment so nobody to traffic. No systems needed to avoid slavery as I do not want to be managing people again as it is far too much work!

I supply an advisory service based on my own expertise rather than a physical product so I have no supply chain to assess or manage. I buy fuel at petrol stations and maybe every few years buy some noise meters or a laptop but that’s it. My laptop is from Apple and fuel is commonly from BP as they have the best coffee, and if those companies have human trafficking issues then most of the world is in trouble.

Health and Safety Policy and risk assessment

Yep, I have one even though HASAWA says I don’t need it, but it is frankly not the most riveting read and all rather ‘tick box’ nonsense to be honest - when you are a one-man company, having a Safety Policy which goes beyond ‘I don’t like getting injured and don’t do a job which puts others at risk’ is a little pointless. Clients can have a copy at any time though so please just shout if you need it. It is brilliant at helping with insomnia.

Same with risk assessments for the noise assessments.

Accident Management Policy

I am a one-man band so have a preference not to kill or break myself - I my arm falls off I can’t work, which would make me poor and that would make me sad. Touch wood I have had no occupational accidents in 30 years of this and long may that continue.

On-site supervision

I am me so have a Schrodinger’s position in the hierarchy where I am both at the top and the bottom at the same time, depending on how you look at it. Either way there is nobody to supervise me. Freedom!

Data Processing, Privacy and IT Security

Noise assessments process no personal data other than the business contact name and business contact details for person booking a noise assessment. I collect and hold no data on specific employees or personnel working for a client.

This website collects no personal data - any data collected is aggregate-only for basic website performance figures, number of visits per page, total number of device types visiting a page (e.g. desktop, mobile) so I can ensure the pages load correctly on the types of devices used to access them.

Regarding how data is held:

Bear in mind the company is just me and the total volume of data the company currently has, in its entirety, as of April 2025 is only about 25GB, so roughly the equivalent of five HD films (or movies if you are American).

• All data sits on a MacBook Pro, using File Vault for full disc encryption. Nobody but me has the password and without that the hard drive is unreadable.

• The daily backup uses Apple Time Machine to an external HDD, with AES-XTS 256-bit encryption. Again, only I have the password to access that.

• A second monthly backup is maintained on a different separate hard drive, again fully 256-bit encrypted and only I have the password.

• A continual cloud based offsite backup is also maintained. This is 256-bit AES encrypted and transferred using SSL/TSL to ensure data in transit is protected.